toast sized teflon pan gets too hot (it smokes but I catch it). I add a drizzle of olive oil on it while I take the pan out of the heat for a second. I vaguely remember hearing about how you're supposed to wait for the pan to get hot–not too hot, before adding fat. I crack an egg on the pan. I take note that the eggs since moving to this new place in Clinton Hill have been harder to crack maybe because of either the texture of the surfaces in the kitchen or its rounded quality which is just the visual aspect of the texture I just mentioned. Sometimes when I crack an egg a piece of eggshell might get on the egg and I have to quickly get it out, usually with my hands, so that the eggshell doesn't get cooked into my eggs. I take a piece of multigrain toast from the freezer. I press the buttons labeled "defrost" and "toast" just in case defrost doesn't actually mean toasting the bread just unfreezing it then causing the bread slice to pop out of the toaster slightly soggy. If that happened I would then have to toast it again and it would take more time. I mind the egg that's on the pan. I crack some pepper while it's on the pan. I remove the egg from heat but the bread isn't done yet. I take out raw almond butter from my fridge and get a knife ready. I forget I should get water I have being kept cold in the fridge so I return to the fridge to get it. I spread almond butter on the piece of toast but before I do that I sniff the bread a little. I don't know why but I always do this. The plate my food is on is large enough where the egg and toast don't touch. I add Maldon salt to the egg. I pour myself a glass of water.

Poem I wrote for Sean for his birthday, click to enlarge

 On any given day what I love is a symbol.

Last week I brought Katie and Natalia pluots at Fort Greene park, I gifted Sean a peach in Forest Hills, I ate either peaches or nectarines with Christine at Fort Greene park and I ate yellow plums with Nick at Fort Greene park.

All is lemon & light & loss

Rachel shows me a picture of a vintage Betsey Johnson smock and says, "this is so you", it's a baby doll lolita dress. So me, I said.

Some may call a constant ache chronic others might say, well that's just history baby.

the cool thing about everything happening recently is being able to stop.The fact that I can choose how to feel, I can decide how long a feeling washes over me, how long to dwell, how fast to move. Realizing this power over one's emotions can feel freeing.

Hawaiian psych folk & truisms

accepting grief and acknowledging its course will liberate you to love

things that feel more intensely aren't always more true or more real, that's the ego peering his head

you cannot change the event you can only change your relationship to the event