Of human bondage

Blogging feels like an afterthought. My shipment of xanax arrived in the post. The postcard Tabitha sent me arrived in the post. Topeka School came too. I ordered wine and it arrived at my door through contactless means. Everything seems to be arriving and nothing is leaving. There's talk that everyone knows someone who has corona. That's what James said to me when we illegally hung out the other night. I put make up on to hangout with my friend and do drugs. He took too much and vomited a little but I continued to dance because what was I to do?



I'm doing well coping with copious amounts of drugs. Sucks that the moment I feel generous there is no one I can extend my generosity towards.

In my short excursions outside I've witnessed the most abject things like a sleeping man on Grand Street with 5 rats running all over him. What was I to do?


Catalpas; Ashbery

The scene: I am drinking celery juice, lukewarm coffee, bone broth with cayenne and ginger. A bowl that says SALAD SALAD SALAD holds a handful of raspberries. I'm wearing the exact outfit Diane Keaton is wearing in this picture with Woody Allen. I love my new l'ecole des femmes shorts. The soundtrack in my head alternates from "hips don't lie" by Shakira and the sound of Andrew Cuomo's voice. This is equivalent to a laugh track.

 

 I've always been wary of myth been put to glib uses.

Last night I had a zoom call with a few of my peers. M and I did K in our respective homes. It was fun, we drank and laughed a lot. We conceptualized meatloaf (the food not the band). I miss my peers and when I see them I'll hug them. The night before that I had my first online zoom workshop class. I think it went better than expected.



I'm still anxious and depressed but a wave of resignment has come over me. Now I harbor longing. I feel like that meme where the guy is texting his ex being like "hey just wanted to see how you were...". I'm literally texting random people in my life and have taken to calling mere strangers on the phone.

Who do I look to, to see the truth? I suppose I've always been a seeker of certain forms of disruption of habitus but one can never anticipate this.

Is this what real anarchy looks like? It's boring as hell.