they always ask who is the you in this work.
I feel myself falling into the rush again, this familiar feeling of being possessed, held captive by a single emotional state.
At Alibi I broke things off with B2. The wrinkles framing his eyes always seemed so honest and dear, how they've stared back at me a few nights into mornings.
I texted him today and he said he was "low and blue." Said he Took himself to the banya.
We had some fun.
impaled wings of heaven
behind her back. as innocent as a false claim.
white bright and awful, even the clouds are wrong.
Ben's eyes are the most muted cerulean
the troubles of symbols is that it does not trouble.
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Last night we ate two small ribs and wheat berries. He heard me stand up for myself on the phone with Katie, I told her meddling about Ash was trivial in the grand scheme and that I felt hurt that she didn't say anything about my forthcoming publication. She was apologetic and it's water under the bridge now. We kept making out in the bar and restaurant. Nothing is sacred and I'm not acting like myself.
I played Lucy Song and it put him in a headspace. I didn't mean for it
Ben and I might have drank too much last night. I am paying for last night's affairs at work today. I'm nauseous and feeling hot flashes every 5 mins. I got a pang of sadness just now. I want to blame it on being hungover but I think it's something else. B2 sent me a voice message after not hearing from him for days, he sounded tender. He said, "you know just last week we slept together, we woke up together and went to work together and that same day you texted me saying "my hair smells like you and it brings me joy."
This morning I stared at Ben's jawline for a long time while he slept.
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