as a patient in Lacanian psychoanalysis we are taught that non sequiters (sp?) don't exist. That the mind knows exactly what associations to make even if words can feel disparate. In half slumber you mentioned wanting space ,something you haven't said to me in waking life. We are also taught that our dreams are a place where we lose control where our mind freely associates. When I asked you about what you said in your sleep you claimed I was talking to you and not the other way around. I felt stumped, baffled and humored at ones ability to even gaslight during half slumber. It bothered me throughout the night. I didn't sleep well. Do arguments prove we are not the same?
We end up talking to ourselves.
I'm lacking grounding lately and I suppose its a stage of grief, I'm mourning the "myth of certainty".
I don't mind our differences but I wonder if you do. I've become increasingly weary at the notion that perhaps I am moving too fast, saying yes too fast, going through the motions with little agency. My rhetoric being "well, why not?". I want to pull back and see what I'm working with, what I'm doing though it feels like nothing recently.
Sally and I caught our third mouse. I want to be a cat mom again.
Again, I'm not sure if I'm being impulsive. I want to care for something, I want to be needed again.
I realized it's the first time in years where no one needs me. I'm not even sure if I need me.
On your couch I told you about my incessant tiny void.
Before going to bed we told each other ghost stories.
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